I’d rather go blind

Mary Coughlan

Something told me it was over
When I saw you and her talkin’
Something deep down in my soul said, ‘Cry, girl’
When I saw you and that girl walkin’ around

Whoo, I would rather, I would rather go blind, boy
Then to see you walk away from me, child, no

Whoo, so you see, I love you so much
That I don’t wanna watch you leave me, baby
Most of all, I just don’t, I just don’t wanna be free, no

Whoo, whoo, I was just, I was just, I was just
Sittin here thinkin’, of your kiss and your warm embrace, yeah
When the reflection in the glass that I held to my lips now, baby
Revealed the tears that was on my face, yeah

Whoo and baby, baby, I’d rather, I’d rather be blind, boy
Then to see you walk away, see you walk away from me, yeah
Whoo, baby, baby, baby, I’d rather be blind…

She was advertised as an Irish woman who sang torch songs. Well that was one damn good cry your  eyes out number. With her lilting accent and the intimacy of the venue you just knew the in between song patter would have lots of “fucks’ pronounced as “fook”. Yes there it was the the first ex-husband who wrote the next song.

“I didn’t sing dis song for a long time cause I didn’t want my first ex husband to make any money. Then last Christmas my daughter gave me a book called “Fuck it.” She paused for audience reaction. I  took the bait and hooted. “It’s a book about intense letting go. Then I thought – fuck it. I’ll make money, he can make money. Just fook it.”

The next day i raced to the bookstore and there it was “Fuck it. The Ultimate Spiritual Way” – my first self-help book in 57 years.

Fuck it” I thought. I’ll start reading self help books. I read the foreward and the author has Fuck it workshops in Italy. “Fuck it. I’m going.”

Fuck it. I’m not going to work today. Fuck it I’m not taking my meds. Fuck it I’m not driving my daughter around. Fuck it I’m having another joint. Fuck it, another wine won’t hurt. Fuck it I’ll have sex with whoever I like. Fuck it I’m not getting out of bed today. Fuck it, there’s no food in the house. Fuck it let’s go out. Fuck it I’m going to the beach. Fuck it let’s leave the mess and so to bed. Fuck it walk away from me.

I’ve just been sitting here thinking about you baby and “Fuck it” set me free.

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